The North Bend Eagle


 

Kloke, Hoops carry electoral high school

by Nathan Arneal, Chief Political Correspondent
Published 10/3/12

Another election season has passed for the fine citizens of North Bend Central.

NBC Homecoming 2012The 2012 NBC Homecoming Royalty are Nick Kloke and Marissa Hoops.

In what many pundits are calling the most important election of the fall, Nick Kloke and Marissa Hoops carried the electoral high school vote as well as the popular vote.

For Hoops, victory was something she refused to take for granted until the moment the crown was placed upon her head.

“I knew I had a rough road ahead of me,” she said. “The other girls were all rocking their glitter and glam, which was a tad intimidating.”

Kloke had his own obstacles to overcome. Many claimed he was not a natural born citizen, an accusation that dogged him throughout his campaign.

He finally silenced his critics by producing a map that showed that Ames is part of the North Bend Central district, to which his critics replied, “Huh. All be darn. Who knew?”

The trouble in the Middle East of Dodge County will no doubt be a hot button issue in the couple’s new administration. For decades people in that region have been claiming that Scribner-Snyder should be wiped off the face of the county.

Surrounded by the hostile forces of Logan View and West Point-Beemer, Scribner-Snyder has long counted on the support of North Bend Central to help protect its settlements on the West Bank of the Elkhorn River.

Recently, Kloke made waves by refusing to meet with the student council president of Scribner-Snyder, saying he couldn’t fit it into his busy schedule. Critics pointed out that he somehow had the time to visit several area golf courses to take his weekly - and sometimes more than weekly - 5,000 meter jogs. Adding fuel to the controversy are claims that Kloke himself is half Trojan, his mother a refugee from the West Bank.

Kloke finally offered his plan for peace in the Middle East: “I’ll bring peace by signing a peace treaty and agreeing that none of this ever happened.”

Hoops said she would send Lady Gaga to the region to serve as ambassador.

“She will bring them peace by working her magic,” she said.

Taxes were also a hot topic during the campaign. While Kloke derided the tax policies of his predecessor and blamed them for the state of the economy, one of his first acts was to extend the McCurdy tax cuts.

It will be interesting to see how this stance meshes with Hoops’ tax policy.

“Of course, I will raise taxes,” she said upon her election. “All queens need to have pedicures and manicures weekly!”

Both newly elected royalty have plans to help the 99 percent, which some say will only grow the size of the Homecoming government and increase the debt.

“I will provide free gas,” Kloke said. “That way kids can drive around town without wasting money on gas and will have more to spend on junk food and pop.”

The queen said she would create new jobs by having people clean around her castle.

King Nick is the son of Chris and Linnae Kloke. At NBC his participates in cross country, basketball, track and field, Spanish Club, FFA and NB Club.

Queen Marissa is the daughter of Doug and Jill Hoops. She participates in softball, basketball, track and field, Science Club, Spanish Club, NB Club, one-acts, National Honor Society and is president of the student council.

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