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The North Bend Eagle


 

2011: The Year in Preview

by Nathan Arneal
Published 1/5/11

The end of the year always sneaks up on us here at the North Bend Eagle. Talk about shock, and quite frankly, awe, when we flip that December calender over and there’s no more months left. We have to keep reminding ourselves that the months do not go in alphabetical order, so it is in fact possible that last month begins with a ‘D.’

So when the year finally flips, we are always scrambling to get our “Year in Review” issue done. Not this year. In fact, we’re going to get our Year in Review issue done 51 weeks early.

So for those of you who are about to miss it, here is our 2011 Year in Preview.

January
January 2011 is cold.

February
In yet another attempt to “stimulate” the economy, the federal government awards North Bend Central an $800,000 grant, but stipulates the money must be spent on elevators.

March
The Huskers begin spring football. Fans are told that this year’s offensive line is the deepest and most talented since 1995. After shaking off 10 years worth of deja vu, Husker fans get pretty excited anyway.

April
The Nebraska Department of Roads announces it will begin construction on the Highway 30 expressway around North Bend by the end of the summer. The entire city of North Bend is struck speechless. Literally. For a whole day no one speaks. They just walk around with a look of disbelief on their face.

June
Citing a growing weariness with the consolidation issue hanging over the area, West Point-Beemer and Logan View high schools disband and send their students to Scribner-Snyder.

July
Nothing happens in July.

August
Brett Favre announces that he is not ready to retire and signs a one-year deal with the Omaha Nighthawks, saying he is looking forward to tutoring youngsters like Ahman Green and Jeff Garcia.

September
The annual vacation Eagle is published, but your picture is not included because you forgot to send it in, even though you’ve been meaning to do that.

October
The new North Bend Public Library is finally ready to open. Mayor Jeff Kluthe is given the honor of checking out the first book from the new library. However, when he gets to the state-of-the-art circulation desk, he is told he can’t check out anything until he pays his overdue fines. The grand opening ceremony is postponed 20 minutes while he runs home to get $3.25.

November
Someone notices that it is cold enough out to definitely declare summer over, yet nary a shovel has been lifted to begin the Highway 30 bypass around North Bend. The city contacts the Department of Roads to ask what’s up with that.

In an official statement, an NDoR spokesman offers the following response: “Yeah... we were kidding about that. We thought it was pretty obvious when we announced the bypass project on April 1. We’ll get to your four-lane highway as soon as...”

The end of his statement was garbled by a suspicious fit of coughing. Still covering his mouth, the spokesman declined to take questions and quickly shuffled off the stage.

December
With all the free time created by doing the Year in Review at the beginning of the year, Eagle editor Nathan Arneal fulfills a partial-lifetime goal by publishing the first newspaper with scratch-and-sniff photos. The idea is well received until readers get to the sports section.

Despite the Year in Preview way back on January 5, Eagle readers still eagerly await a Year in Review issue so they can find out what happened in May.

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